It’s our daughter’s 6th birthday this week. Kinda can’t believe it. Six years ago, we brought her tiny body home. Now she’s a whole little person of her own who is incredibly creative, unbelievably empathetic for her age, and extremely thoughtful. I could not be more proud of who she is and who she’s becoming.
Here are six things I’ve learned about being a parent, thanks to her. 🤍
- I can’t control my kids.
Turns out, they have willpower. And a body, and a mind, and their own preferences, wishes, and opinions. McKenzie has been her own person since day one. She wants what she wants, likes what she likes.
Naively, if you had asked me ten years ago, Can you control your kid? I would have wholeheartedly said yes. Now I understand that the goal is to honor her preferences and all the unique things that make her… her, while keeping her safe, helping her know Jesus, and teaching her how to be a good person.
- Parenting is the most refining thing I’ve ever done.
It’s so much harder than I ever thought it would be.
Even more so than marriage, parenting can push me to my absolute limits.
I think it’s kinda meant to be that way. If it weren’t challenging at times, I wouldn’t need God at all.
There are weeks when being a mom is a beautiful application of daily bread. I, quite literally, only have enough energy for this day. And only with God’s help.
- Making sure she knows I love her is the most important thing to me.
Yes, I want to give our kids a good life materially. Yes, I want to teach them how to be kind humans, how to be caring, how to be selfless. But the thing that I really want to mark my parenting in their little minds and hearts is the absolute certainty that I love them. That I’d go any distance for them.
That’s why I never let a conversation end without saying “I love you.”
- She’s watching. All the time.
When I am generous, she sees.
When I am impatient and short-tempered, she sees.
It’s a deep burden and an unexplainable honor that I get to be one of the two main people who model for her how we show up in the world.
- Parenting is paradoxical.
On the one hand, I want to protect my kids from ever experiencing a drop of heartache. I want to bubble-wrap them in my arms, teach them about Jesus, surround them with kind, happy people, and ride off into the sunset.
On the other hand, there’s that pesky truth from Paul in Romans:
Not only so, but we also glory in our sufferings, because we know that suffering produces perseverance; perseverance, character; and character, hope. And hope does not put us to shame, because God’s love has been poured out into our hearts through the Holy Spirit, who has been given to us. Romans 5:3-5
Suffering (to state the obvious: safe, controlled suffering) actually produces character. Not to mention, it ensures reliance on God. Solving every single problem our kids have, the second they have it, shortcuts the character-building process.
To bubble wrap would be to cut their ability to grow as people off at the knees.
But that doesn’t mean it doesn’t hurt. ❤️🩹
(Btw, I’ve written about this in a different post if you missed it.)
- I’m living two lives at all times.
I spend most days with dual points of view.
There’s the today-me. She loves her kids fiercely; she is mildly stressed, often wonders if she’s doing anything right, and feels pulled between life’s many responsibilities. She wants to follow Jesus, lead her kids to do the same, be a good spouse, a thoughtful friend, crush it at work, and create a fun life.
Then there’s 80-year-old me. I am constantly peering through her eyes, too. She wants me to work less. To enjoy the kids more. She is wise and gentle, but she knows a lot more than I do. She wishes I could be a tad less responsible at times. Let loose. Snuggle my kids instead of worrying about the to-do list.
I am both of those people. I think about both of their perspectives a lot.
I have learned (read: I am learning) to take 80-year-old me’s advice more.
McKenzie, thanks for making me a mama. You are a gift to this world, and I can’t wait to see how you continue to grow. You have taught me so much. I love you, and I am so grateful for you.
In Progress,
Alyssa
