Happy In Progress Wednesday!
I thought I’d dedicate this edition to a Lenten No Condemnation update. If you missed Edition 1 of my newsletter, I talked about how I joined a community of people at Become New in giving up condemnation for Lent (here’s a podcast ep on that if you want details).
This year, Lent spans from Wednesday, Feb 18, through Thursday, Apr 2, which means there are 8 days left at the writing of this content. With a week and some change to go, I’ve been doing an honest reflection of how this challenge has gone for me. Here’s the verdict: As it turns out, I’m more of a condemning person than I thought I was. My spouse, my kids, the people around me. No one is safe.
But most of all, myself. Self-condemnation is like my second language. No Duolingo needed.
In the spirit of transparency and because I think it could help someone, I thought I’d make a list of some recent things I’ve found myself in a self-condemnation loop about.
- For one, this email was supposed to go out at 5am, like all the others before it. But… I didn’t schedule it yesterday like I meant to. (All 50 of my subscribers probably have no idea, I’m sure.) Why can’t I get my act together? Why can’t I be more punctual?
- I mentioned last week, I took my kids to the dentist, and very sadly, they have several cavities. The condemnation was almost instant: I haven’t done enough to take care of their teeth. We need to get our nighttime routine under control. Why don’t I read enough to them at night? I need to better limit sugar. They must be seeing me eat sugar all the time too. I’m not setting a good example for them. Now they’re gonna have to get needles in their mouth and probably hate the dentist forever. (Notice: So much fear and so much shame. Also worth noting: a fair amount of exaggeration.)
- Another example: Having just recently relocated, I’m trying hard to build intentional relationships in my life. There’s a neighbor who has so kindly invited me to walk with her some mornings. Except… because of company in town, illness, and travel, it’s been weeks since I’ve been able to enjoy her company. I feel guilty about that. If I can’t show up for people here, I’ll never make new friends in Florida, I should try harder or else it will be my fault that I’m alone.
- Speaking of friends, I catch myself worrying about my relationships in Oklahoma. Am I responding to texts soon enough? I should plan a visit with that one friend. I should be better at Marco Polo and respond sooner. I’m letting people down.
- There’s family, too! I haven’t called my parents lately. I need to talk to my sisters more. I said I’d Facetime them – I need to do that. Why can’t I stay on top of this better? I’m not being supportive or present enough.
- The house isn’t clean, either. Ugh, there’s dust here. And here. And here. I need to get it together. And why can’t I keep a sink empty? There are always dishes piled high. Other people don’t struggle with this. It’s a me problem.
- And finally, I just got back from a lovely Spring Break vacation to Seaside, FL with my husband. We went solo (It’s been a few years since we’ve done this – why did I let it go so long? I need to plan better. I need to invest in our marriage more.) and it was nice to get away. However, when you have young kids at home, it can be hard to talk about the deep stuff in everyday rhythms. So naturally, I brought up a really hard topic with him when we were there, and it was emotional. The self-condemnation went like this: Why are you ruining this trip? You didn’t have to talk about this now. You’re being too emotional.
And on and on.
Isn’t this all so toxic? I would never maintain a relationship in real life with someone who spoke to me like this.
So. Yeah. I wouldn’t say I’m doing the *best* on this whole Lenten journey.
If you’re wondering what all this has to do with you, first of all, maybe I just needed a quick therapy sesh.
Kidding–kind of. But even though I’m not in any position to give advice on this, here’s what I’m noticing. The more I pay attention to my thoughts, the more I have to bet that a lot of us have a similar internal soundtrack. The voice in our heads is always pointing out what we could have done better or where we’re lacking. The areas we’re falling short or the imaginary standards we should be meeting.
My invitation for you today is: pay attention to that voice. Shut it down as much as you can and replace it with truth. Half the time it’s not even factual, and more often than not, it pulls me away from the present, distracts me from Jesus, and doesn’t even help me improve. Sort of counterproductive, right?
Here’s an episode from John Ortberg from a few weeks ago that I’m relistening to today called “Overcoming the Cycle of Shame.” It’s worth a watch if you wrestle with this too.
Finally, I’m revisiting the Scripture this is all based on:
Therefore, there is now no condemnation for those who are in Christ Jesus, because through Christ Jesus the law of the Spirit who gives life has set you free from the law of sin and death. Romans 8:1-2
Sitting with that today. The law of the Spirit sets us free. I don’t need to beat myself up about cavities and text messages. I’m a flawed human being, and the sooner I get comfortable with that, the sooner I can let Jesus fill the gaps.
Condemnation is a part of human existence, but it doesn’t have to define our lives. If you want to, maybe share in the comments over on my Substack one way you’ve caught yourself in self-condemnation recently. I bet it’ll make someone feel less alone (at least, I know that’s true for me). The truth is – and this isn’t just a catchy Bible verse – there really is no condemnation in Christ Jesus.
In Progress,
Alyssa
P.S. Sometimes when I’m feeling down, I think about something my friend, Tim, says: We all take ourselves too damn seriously. Let’s lighten up today. Jesus already defeated death. ❤️
P.P.S. For fun, here are some pics from our Seaside adventures.
