Can you believe this is the 30th edition of In Progress Family?! Whether you’ve been here since week one or just joined, thank you for reading along. It means so much to me. To celebrate, I’ve got a special giveaway for you at the end of this email, so stick around!
Okay… now for today’s topic.
I’ve been thinking a lot lately about the Holy Spirit and how we hear him. I recently heard my friend and leader at Become New, Tim, talk about how he and his wife, Brittany, help their two kids hear from the Holy Spirit. I asked him a few questions to share with you all, and I think his responses are wildly helpful for inviting God into the life of your family.
Onto the interview…
1. How do you and Brittany talk to your kids about the Holy Spirit and how he functions?
We’ve been speaking with our kids about the presence, power and person of the Holy Spirit since they were very young. The main gist is that the Holy Spirit is the always-near, invisible presence of the person of God. Before Jesus, the Holy Spirit was sent to specific people, in specific places, for specific times. Since Jesus, the Holy Spirit is available to ALL people, in ALL places, at ALL times (including us!) the Spirit is mom’s and dad’s Coach, Counselor, Convictor of sin, Compass, Champion, Comforter, and the one who comes alongside us to help as we serve Jesus and partner on his project of redeeming this world that God loves so much.
The Holy Spirit brings all the benefits mentioned in Galatians (love, joy, peace, patience…) into our lives, and he gives us supernatural gifts and abilities to help with his project when we live in a relationship of surrender and interactive friendship with him.
All we have to do is have faith in Jesus, his resurrection and his teaching, sincerely want the Holy Spirit, and welcome his involvement in our lives, seeking him with ALL of our heart. If we do that, he. will. show. up. He will help, he will speak, he will impart his power. Life in the Spirit is the best life possible.
That’s the scoop, condensed into three concise paragraphs. LOL. We teach our kids all of this in tiny, bite-sized convos and experiences, year after year after year.
2. How are you encouraging your kids (and yourselves) to hear from the Holy Spirit throughout your day?
Not every family is the same, so the systems we’ve discovered reflect our family’s personality and have shifted with the seasons of our lives. Here are some things we do now…
I wake up pretty early each morning and, first thing, pray out loud for my kids and my wife. Our daughter is in 8th grade and rises early to catch the bus, but I’m gone to the gym by the time she’s up. So before I head out, I write her a note with a scripture and a “word of encouragement” from the Spirit for her day, which I receive during prayer. I tape it to the front door, and she takes it as she heads to the bus.
After the gym, we drive our son to school. On the drive, we ask him thoughtful questions and look for opportunities to remind him that the Holy Spirit will be with him today. We may tell him Bible stories, listen to a Become New podcast together 😉 and pray for him before he gets out of the car. We regularly pray, “Father, fill our son with your Holy Spirit today and help him to do some good!” We’ve been doing this for so long that as we get close to the school, he’ll say, “Pray for me, we’re almost there!”
We eat dinner together as a family nearly every weeknight and reflect on our days. If someone has something difficult going on, we casually pray, “Well, Lord, we pray for so-and-so and ask you to give them patience and peace in that situation.” If someone is excited about something, we say, “Yay, God!” Short and sweet, not heavy, long or formal.
We have painted rocks on our table with our family values on them. During dinner, we spread them out and take turns giving family shout-outs. One of those rocks is FAITH, so we encourage one another when we notice someone living out their faith.
We memorize scripture together. Each week we have a verse, laminated on the fridge (our daughter has a laminator lol), and we recite it to one another throughout the week. It’s kind of fun!
Our kids have a daily checklist, and on that list is reading ONE chapter of the Bible each day. (When they were younger, it was one story from the Jesus Storybook Bible.)
Each Sunday we have a family business meeting where we pray and game-plan together for the week: meals, commitments, desires. We also give feedback and make room for grievances. But most importantly, we commit our week to God and pray, “Come, Holy Spirit, be in this meeting and guide us this week.”
3. Any specific examples you’d feel comfortable sharing of ways you’ve seen the Holy Spirit lead your family lately? The more specific, the better, and it’s okay if it’s the smallest of scenarios.
Here are two examples.
ONE
Our kids got in a squabble this week. Both said some hurtful things to one another and acted out in ways that were…not ideal :). I wasn’t there, but my wife caught me up on the details, so I went to each of them separately and led them through pretty much the same line of questioning. I asked them to explain what happened from their perspective. Then I asked, “What’s something you think God would want you to do differently next time, and why?”
Then came a little dad-splaining.
I said, “Well, it sounds like you forgot to check in with the Holy Spirit on that one. Remember, God is ready to give wisdom to anyone who wants it (one of our memory verses, James 1:5). All we have to do is ask. Next time you feel that urge to yell, or to take that thing that doesn’t belong to you, try pausing and checking in with the Spirit in your heart for a sec. Maybe say, ‘Lord, I’m really mad right now, but what do you think I should do or say?’ Then wait and see what he says. If something comes to mind, try it! See what happens. Or if you really want to go the extra mile, try praying for your sister/brother EVEN though you’re mad at them. Ask God to help them, not you. What do you think? Can you try that for me?”
I ended with the question, “How are you going to make it right?” When one of my kids said, “I don’t know,” I said, “Why don’t you take the day and pray about it. Tell God, ‘I don’t know how to make it right. What do you think I should do?’ Then listen for him in your spirit. Maybe he’ll give you a picture or a word. I’ll check back in with you at the end of the day, and you can tell me what he said.”
This kind of coaching may not land well without the infrastructure of building, day after day, a framework for understanding the Spirit and the value of a soft heart. But it landed well and led to apologies and reconciliation.
TWO
Not that long ago, I was the one who lost my temper with my son. We were in the car and he was frustrating me to NO end. I was mad and in a hurry, now late because of his dawdling. He could feel my intensity because I had just given him a few stern words of rebuke. In the quiet aftermath, I said in my heart, “Lord, I need your help. I’m pretty pissed right now.” Immediately I saw an image in my mind, like a movie, of me parking, getting out of the front seat, walking to the back seat where he was sitting, getting in and putting my arm around him. NOT MY THOUGHT OR DESIRE in the moment. But it melted my heart.
So I pulled over and parked the car. I silently got out, went to the back door, got in, scooted up next to my son, put my arm around him, kissed him and said, “I’m sorry, buddy. I shouldn’t have gotten upset. I love you, I care about you, and it’s okay if I’m late. I just felt God convict my heart and tell me I was wrong. So, I’m sorry, son. Please forgive me.” We had a moment. We reconciled, and being late to the meeting turned out to be the least important thing in my day. Being with him in that moment turned out to be the most important thing.
4. How has this conversation evolved for your family over the years? (And how old are your kids now?)
Every season is different. Ages and cognitive development matter a ton in what works for your kids and your family. We’ve also tried many things that DID NOT work for us, like family Bible studies and worshiping together as a family. (That usually ended with me singing and playing the guitar and everyone else kind of looking around awkwardly, so we decided to pivot!)
But we don’t give up on the vision. We just adjust our approach and try again. Vision, values and purpose stay the same. Strategy changes! We strive to design these practices with curiosity AND, most importantly, an openness to be led by the Spirit ourselves IN the approach.
My wife and I talk about it regularly. We pray about it, we each have our own approach at times, we debate, we try something, we adjust, we try again. My wife really connects with listening prayer and the Celtic Books of Prayer, so she’ll lead the kids and our family through those at times. She doesn’t “hear God’s voice” in her heart like I do at times, and that’s okay! There is room for difference between my wife and me and our kids. We’re all going to connect with God and experience the Holy Spirit in unique and personal ways, but our unity around the shared vision of a family filled, immersed and led by the Holy Spirit is the same. That’s our hope!
5. What would you say to parents who feel like this comes easily for every family but theirs?
It must be said: my wife and I have really struggled with how to do this well. We have different experiences of the Holy Spirit, and it’s taken us many years, many conversations and many arguments to reach a place where we both hold a similar vision for our family with about the same “grip strength” on ideas. Reaching a place of openness to try different things, to abandon the “Book Perfect Family” way of doing it, and to be flexible with each other and open to God is not for the faint of heart. It can sometimes seem like it comes easily for other families, but for whatever reason, it hasn’t for us. We’ve really had to work at it. Accepting that our family and our children will be wholly unique in this journey with the Spirit has been the most helpful foundational idea for us to build from. Making room for difference has made all the difference.
Huge thanks to Tim and Brittany for the wisdom.
This conversation really inspired me. What I love most is that Tim didn’t pretend any of it came easily. All of it was built slowly, over years, with a lot of trial and error.
If you’re reading this and feeling a little behind, remember that you don’t need a perfect system. Just pick one small thing to try this week. Pray over your kids before they head out the door. Ask them at dinner where they noticed God today. Or the next time you’re about to lose it, try Tim’s prayer: “Lord, I need your help.” Then listen.
I believe in you! I’d love to hear what’s worked for your family, or something new you plan to incorporate this week. Reply back and let me know!
A little celebration
Now for some fun! As promised, I’m giving away a $30 Amazon gift card to celebrate 30 editions of In Progress Family.
Here’s how to enter:
- Forward this email (or any In Progress Family email) to 3 people and encourage them to subscribe.
- Reply to this email and let me know you did it.
- That’s it! You’ll be entered to win. [Entries close 10/6, and I’ll announce the winner in the next edition.]
Thank you for reading, sharing, and being part of this little community. It means more than you know.
In Progress,
Alyssa
